it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
