the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think my vagina is haunted
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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