My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
