the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
where am i from again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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