You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
