Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
