and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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