Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
