the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she looked like the before picture.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
