I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize