her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just pee around me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
