you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
