Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
