It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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