We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
