It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
