Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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