sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
