my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
