I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
