I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
