Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
