The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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