Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
