just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i came on her dog
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
