It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
