My first STD was from a foam party
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
