you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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