I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
