yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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