Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
