it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
