Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
