Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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