so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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