sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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