The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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