Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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