If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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