My liver just broke up with me...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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