yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
