That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
