I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
