best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
