saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
