Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
