Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
