You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
