You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize