so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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