It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i may or may not be watching the land before time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
