alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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