i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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