We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
