I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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