yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
