They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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