Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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