The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
