Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
