There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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