why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
