Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
