My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She bit a glass in half.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
