I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want her autograph on my taint
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize