Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
its not stalking. its research.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
