she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
