He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wannas sexs uuuuu
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
