my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
