you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
