he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
