I just pynch a tree in the face
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
