You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
