If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Who died my cat blue again?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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