Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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