great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
