She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
