yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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