I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
