I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
