She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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